So me and my master are having a lot of drama going on. Well I should start at the beginning…my mother has recently passed and I was unsure of where I would be living next would be and extremely depressed. My mom’s friend thought it would be a great idea to catch me on the rebound saying my master was abusive and asking if I was happy. I mean my master doesn’t help with chores but thats it.
They were saying things like “your a different person without him.” And stuff like his the laziest person they know. Yet they where doing nothing while my mom drank herself to death. I honestly only act like a different person around them because I put a mask up that I’m happy around everyone except him. I trust him enough to see my dark side and not run.
Well after they had called my master abusive asked if I wanted out of the situation. I was at that point scared and kinda panicked so I agreed. I was getting flashbacks of my ex who made me drink my own piss so I went to there house where they acted like I was breaking up with him and shaming him in everyway they could. They scared him and me to the point that my master in order to get my trust again went into a mental hospital and that still didn’t change their opinions on him it just made the bullshit worse.
My lovely loving beautiful master had to go to a mental hospital and now we can’t even be together still. my dad caught wind of the situation and thought it be great to tell horror stories about us, the weird freaky transgender heathens. My dad said I could come back to his house but my master had to stay with his parents.
My dad keeps saying things on how my master was bad for me but a lot of stuff was stuff I did to survive. I only make a very low amount like 700$ a month which most of my money went to food and keeping us sane while living with a dieing addict. I just feel like no one knows my side but no one will even listen to my side of the story.
I honestly feel horrible that my master and daddy has had a shitty week because I paniced and was depressed. I feel like I need behavior training on how to go to daddy when im sad . Kitten loves you daddy!!
Well, I’m saddened to report my mom has passed away and I’m dealing with a lot of family crap and drama. I was unfortunately the person to find her dead body and it wasn’t a pretty site. We’re still waiting for the results on why she died but I have a pretty good idea of what it was.
My mom had a huge problem with abusing pain killers and alcohol. I have a pretty good idea in my head that she literally drank herself to the grave. I mean everyone around me agrees but thinks that “It was okay because she was in pain.” I mean I have all the ailments my mother had and probably a little more. I honestly handle my daily pains in a very good way. I actually meditate and destress and almost never take meds for it. I guess I feel she should of handled things in a better way.
Everyone around me is saying things like “She was god sent.” and “She was such a good person.” It honestly hurts to hear that because she was never good to me and I was her own kid. She would turn on me like a hungry wolf when no one was looking. I guess we all have our dark sides. I honestly have never told people about her abuse with me behind closed doors. I guess I feel like everyone will think I’m lieing.
I also feel kind of cheated that I had to care for my abusive mother like a maid / nurse all the way up until the end. I feel robed of the first year of my marriage because of all the drama and bullshit.
I think my main point in this post is don’t let your inner demons hurt the ones you should love the most. Also don’t turn to things like drugs or whatever because it only gets worse from that point on.
I used to get teased a lot in school for liking what’s called the furry fandom. Mentioning of the furry fandom usually gives people a vision of people in fursuits or people wearing cat ears. It also, unfortunately, and falsely, conjures up images of sexually depraved people who want only sex and to have sexual relations with animals or to engage in endless orgies and drugs and alcohol. However the furry fandom goes further then just wanting to scare your neighbor in an animal costume or wanting to dress like a sexy cat.
The furry fandom is people who like humanized animals. This however can mean A LOT of different things for different people. The furry fandom usually starts with people liking cartoon animistic but human-ish characters. It is a very deep and almost complex fandom. It can go from simply liking cartoon animals like Donald duck, wearing ears and tails, wearing fursuits or turning it into a fetish.
So you might find yourself asking, Why would someone make that a fetish?! Well lets clear one thing up really quick. It isn’t about beastiality. A lot of furs don’t like the idea of harming an animal, let alone taking advantage of it sexually. There’s a difference between wanting to fuck rover and liking to look at sexy humanly animal babes all day.
I myself am what’s known as an otherkin furry. I see my fursona and even myself as a well…a half dragon and half cat. I know right? Creative! But unfortunately hard to explain. I do know however I found that I really loved those two animals and even acted like them. Like I don’t run around on all fours screaming and ‘roaring’, no but I do like pet-play and I love being my husband’s pet. If you don’t know who that is read my about me page. 🙂
For future references an otherkin is a person that feels that they not only really really like an animal but that their soul is that animal. I almost feel like finding out you’re an otherkin and literally seeing yourself as well an animal in your mind can be almost as important as your sexual identity and even sexuality. For me finding out what animals I really enjoyed was a soul searching experience. I’d love to hear your guys’ thoughts in the comments.
So do you want to know how to start getting into BDSM? And how to stay safe? Well, this post will teach you how to safely get into the BDSM community. The BDSM community can be a very scary place when you don’t know what you’re doing. The biggest three words you can remember are “safe, sane and consensual”. I’ve talked about this in another post of mine “What is BDSM.”
One of the most important things you can have is what’s called a “safe word.”
What exactly does “Safe, Sane and consensual” mean? Well let’s start with the first word which is safe. How do I stay safe? Well there a lot of ways you can stay safe in the BDSM Community. There are also different ways you can interact with the community. Online and offline.
When you’re online on sites like http://www.fetlife.com you might get people on there that are nice…or not so nice. The best way to stay safe online is to 1. Don’t give out information about yourself before you know the person. (I usually don’t give out any information unless I’ve known them for a year minimum.) 2. Always have a safe word even if it’s just online play.
Now with offline play there are two ways that it can be done. One by meeting up with a person or by going to a group event. I’ll talk about the first option first. When you meet up with somebody in person, it’s best to have a best friend watch over you (Like a kinky angel lol with big black wings of cuteness!) to make sure you’re safe. A good method for this would be by having your friend be the angel of love and justice and be your chaperone. I know! What a draaaaaaaag! But it’s better to be safe then to face a dragon of danger all on your own.
On a more very very serious note. If you aren’t safe you literally can die. I found a link to things that people like serial killers and rapists say to their victims to lure them in and ways they stayed safe or unsafe. I mean it’s actually scary reading this because some of the stuff I’ve had said to me online. (Creepy)
There are lots of ways to stay safe and you can even get creative with it. I could write a really really long lecture on this but yea! stay safe! stay sane! stay wanting!
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So I figured out what the roleplay me and my Master are doing is called. It’s called Hierophilia. Hierophilia sounds like a fetish based on the land from Zelda! but it’s actually a fetish for religion and its objects. I feel slightly ashamed but kinda proud to have found out what it’s called. I also found that for some it’s a medical and sexual condition. I guess I’m adding another thing to my long list of shit wrong with me.
I do want to say however that I’m no longer majorly obsessed with religion. I hardly do anything involving it. I just use meditation for relaxing and helping my mind. I honestly think that the religion thing basically has a placebo effect on me and so psychologically it helps to a mental level. Similar to hypnosis and sugar pills. If you believe it’ll work then it basically does.
I would like to add I did not make this post to make fun of people who are into hierophilia. I strongly believe that no matter how silly it is, if it helps you relax, heal or just plain helps then you have every right to do it within legal standards and not be laughed at for helping yourself. I just don’t understand out some people can laugh and hurt others for doing what’s natural.
Well I guess I should tell you about that new type of role-play? I’m uncertain what it would be considered. I think I might do research on it if anybody knows. today me and my Master continued a new type of role-play that seems to really be getting us both really hot and bothered.
We started a role-play where I play the part of a Shinto priest who is cross dressing as female. A Shinto priest is a priest of the main religion of japan, which is called Shinto. In the role-play I would take his offering of “seed” as a gift for the Kami. The Kami are what japan calls it’s gods.
I don’t honestly know what that would be called. It’s basically a religious fetish. I mean we both really like japan’s vast culture and even subcultures. I mean that’s why I’ve named myself Ishi. I think I’ll look up what it’s called after this post. He He ~
I really have been enjoying our new role-play together. I used to be obsessed with religion because my mom forced it down my throat when I was very young. So I haven’t really prayed to anything because when I realized my obsession had become unhealthy I completely stopped everything.
So I feel this is a really good outlet for that pent up energy. I also feel that because of our bad situation that it’s basically a way to show my mind that I’m getting help. We could even put that in our role-play where my Master helps me get out of a bad situation, say maybe with a bad priest..
I recently started meditation again as a way to destress because of the living situation Master and I are both in. We’re living with my mother who in the past was extremely abusive to me. I’ll talk more about that in a different post.
So before I start my post on what BDSM is, I figured I’d let you guys know that I’m going to be using this blog for both essays but also for what’s called a slave diary/journal. I wanted to start keeping one as a record of how I’m feeling within my 24/7 BDSM relationship. I do plan to keep my essays and diary posts separate.
Well for starters BDSM always gets a bad rap, that puts in people’s heads thoughts of abuse. When in all honesty it’s about trust. In BDSM you HAVE to trust who you’re playing with and almost literally with your life. Why do I say with your life? because if you’re bound, can’t move, are gagged and helpless, virtually anyone can hurt you badly and if it’s the wrong person kill you.
BDSM stands for bondage & discipline, dominance & submission and sadism & masochism. It’s about the submissive giving up the control that they normally have over situations and aspects of life and for the dominant having that control. With control however the dominant has to be responsible for their Submissive / Slave. They have to make sure their slave is safe.
There is a general rule about BDSM and that’s Safe, Sane and Consensual. If it isn’t safe, if it isn’t sane and it isn’t asked for then it’s abuse and you need to run.
Hello, my name’s Ishi Kage. I want to start this blog as an information source for different subcultures and styles. By writing this blog I’m going to include how to go about them safely and how to go about getting into them. This blog will also be a good source to figure out if that’s the subculture or style that’s meant for you.
This is NOT a forum of hatred or critique on sub-cultures. I am not here to rate these subcultures or styles, merely to inform others about them and the various intricacies of them. If hateful comments or critiquing of any of the subcultures or styles listed within this blog are seen, the comments will be deleted.