An unfortunate time.

Well, I’m saddened to report that my mom has passed away and I’m dealing with a lot of family crap and drama. I was unfortunately the person to find her dead body and it wasn’t a pretty sight. We’re still waiting for the results on why she died but I have a pretty good idea of what it was.

My mom had a huge problem with abusing painkillers and alcohol. I have a pretty good idea in my head that she literally drank herself into the grave. I mean everyone around me agrees but thinks that “It was okay because she was in pain.” I mean I have all the ailments my mother had and probably a little more. I honestly handle my daily pains in a very good way. I actually meditate and destress and almost never take meds for it. I guess I feel she should of handled things in a better way.

Everyone around me is saying things like “She was a godsend.” and “She was such a good person.” It honestly hurts to hear that because she was never good to me and I was her own kid. She would turn on me like a hungry wolf when no one was looking. I guess we all have our dark sides. I honestly have never told people about her abuse with  me behind closed doors. I guess I feel like everyone will think I’m lying.

I also feel kind of cheated that I had to care for my abusive mother like a maid / nurse all the way up until the end. I feel robbed of the first year of my marriage because of all the drama and bullshit.

I think my main point in this post is don’t let your inner demons hurt the ones you should love the most. Also don’t turn to things like drugs or whatever because it only gets worse from that point on.



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