An unfortunate time.

Well, I’m saddened to report that my mom has passed away and I’m dealing with a lot of family crap and drama. I was unfortunately the person to find her dead body and it wasn’t a pretty sight. We’re still waiting for the results on why she died but I have a pretty good idea of what it was.

My mom had a huge problem with abusing painkillers and alcohol. I have a pretty good idea in my head that she literally drank herself into the grave. I mean everyone around me agrees but thinks that “It was okay because she was in pain.” I mean I have all the ailments my mother had and probably a little more. I honestly handle my daily pains in a very good way. I actually meditate and destress and almost never take meds for it. I guess I feel she should of handled things in a better way.

Everyone around me is saying things like “She was a godsend.” and “She was such a good person.” It honestly hurts to hear that because she was never good to me and I was her own kid. She would turn on me like a hungry wolf when no one was looking. I guess we all have our dark sides. I honestly have never told people about her abuse with  me behind closed doors. I guess I feel like everyone will think I’m lying.

I also feel kind of cheated that I had to care for my abusive mother like a maid / nurse all the way up until the end. I feel robbed of the first year of my marriage because of all the drama and bullshit.

I think my main point in this post is don’t let your inner demons hurt the ones you should love the most. Also don’t turn to things like drugs or whatever because it only gets worse from that point on.



What is: The furry fandom?

I used to get teased a lot in school for liking what’s called the furry fandom. Mentioning of the furry fandom usually gives people a vision of people in fursuits or people wearing cat ears. It also, unfortunately, and falsely, conjures up images of sexually depraved people who want only sex and to have sexual relations with animals or to engage in endless orgies and drugs and alcohol. However the furry fandom goes further then just wanting to scare your neighbor in an animal costume or wanting to dress like a sexy cat.

The furry fandom is people who like humanized or anthropomorphic animals. This however can mean A LOT of different things for different people. The furry fandom usually starts with people liking cartoon anthropomorphic animals: animalistic but human-ish characters/ animals with human characteristics. It is a very deep and almost complex fandom. It can go from simply liking cartoon animals like Donald and Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny or even Simba, wearing ears and tails, wearing fursuits or turning it into a fetish.

So you might find yourself asking, Why would someone make that a fetish?! Well let’s clear one thing up really quick. It isn’t about beastiality. Approximately 75-90% of all furries don’t like the idea of harming an animal, let alone taking advantage of it sexually.  There’s a difference between wanting to fuck Rover and liking to look at sexy humanistic animal babes and dudes all day.

I myself am what’s known as an Otherkin furry, often just shortened to Otherkin. I see my fursona and even myself as a well…a half dragon and  half cat. I know right? Creative! But unfortunately hard to explain. I do know, however I found that I really loved those two animals and even acted like them.  Like, I don’t run around on all fours screaming and ‘roaring’, no, but I do like pet-play and I love being my husband’s pet. If you don’t know who that is read my about me page. 🙂

For further knowledge, an Otherkin is a person that feels that they not only really really like an animal but that their soul is that animal. I almost feel like finding out you’re an otherkin and literally seeing yourself as well an animal in your mind can be almost as important as your sexual identity and even sexuality. For me finding out what animals I really enjoyed was a soul searching experience.  I’d love to hear your guys’ thoughts in the comments.

Information links:


But how do I start BDSM?

So do you want to know how to start getting into BDSM? And how to stay safe? Well, this post will teach you how to safely get into the BDSM community. The BDSM community can be a very scary place when you don’t know what you’re doing. The biggest three words you can remember are “safe, sane and consensual”. I’ve talked about this in another post of mine “What is BDSM.”

One of the most important things you can have is what’s called a “safe word.”

What exactly does “Safe, Sane and consensual” mean? Well let’s start with the first word which is safe. How do I stay safe? Well there a lot of ways you can stay safe in the BDSM Community. There are also different ways you can interact with the community. Online and offline.

When you’re online on sites like you might get people on there that are nice…or not so nice. The best way to stay safe online is to 1. Don’t give out information about yourself before you know the person. (I usually don’t give out any information unless I’ve known them for a year minimum.) 2.  Always have a safe word even if it’s just online play.

Now with offline play there are two ways that it can be done. One by meeting up with a person or by going to a group event. I’ll talk about the first option first. When you meet up with somebody in person, it’s best to have a best friend watch over you (Like a kinky angel lol with big black wings of cuteness!) to make sure you’re safe. A good method for this would be by having your friend be the angel of love and justice and be your chaperone. I know! What a draaaaaaaag! But it’s better to be safe then to face a dragon of danger all on your own.

On a more very very serious note. If you aren’t safe you literally can die. I found a link to things that people like serial killers and rapists say to their victims to lure them in and ways they stayed safe or unsafe. I mean it’s actually scary reading this because some of the stuff I’ve had said to me online. (Creepy)

There are lots of ways to stay safe and you can even get creative with it. I could write a really really long lecture on this but yea! stay safe! stay sane! stay wanting!

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